Time will come, you’re going through a lot in the past relationships. Mistakes made, lessons learned. But sometimes, you’ll become tired. As a young woman, I’ve been through a lot of my failed relationships. A lot of pain and hurt. I’ve made a lot of mistakes before I knew the real lessons and purpose of it. Oh well, that’s life right? We learned from our mistakes. I’m young but I’m in a point of my life where I got so tired of relationships. It’s not like I don’t want to have a boyfriend now, but it’s more like fear. Fear of the past. Fear of always getting dumped. Fear of getting cheated on. Fear of failed relationships. Fear of getting too attached to someone you know that has a capacity to leave you anytime. Because we all know, that really hurts when you truly love someone. But how can we have that someone when we don’t even try to take the risk. To love is to be vulnerable. I trusted a lot of guys in my past that they will not break my heart but they did. It triggered my TRUST ISSUES. I’ve got to admit it, sometimes,it ruined my present relationship but I don’t know how to not to have some trust issues. Something inside your brain is telling you to doubt everything. And I knew, that is the start of the end. But you know what, one thing is for sure, I’m just not afraid of being in love again, what scares me is loving someone who will cheat on me and leave me at the end. That sure as hell is what scares me of. I’m pretty sure everyone does. And when that happens, there’s nothing you can do about it but to accept the fact and move on. I hope it’s easier said than done but we all know, it’s not.
One great lesson that I learned from the past is giving him the space. As a girl, it’s our nature to nurture, to be too emotional, to be mommy-type-of-girl. Sometimes my partner will become distant and as typical as any other girls’ response, because of fear of losing him, i draw closer to him, i bombarded him with messages asking him what’s wrong, i became too emotional and needy. I became focused on what I felt but not on what he does. I suddenly questioned myself, if i was on his feet what would be my reaction to my actions. Then, I understand that he is depressed and stresses and realized that I never listened to him. He needed time of his own and space from all of my dramas, emotional instability, rants and everything. If I truly love him, I should care about his needs and his happiness too, as much as I care about mine. And to take care of myself and mind what makes me happy and what makes me a better person for him as his partner.
We are in a relationship, it’s just not all about how i feel or what makes me happy. It’s all about the both of you as a couple. It’s about understanding, trust, loyalty and love. I, as his partner, should seek understanding, trust him and be faithful to him and love him as much as I love myself.
I hope you got some lessons from my experiences. Keep loving.